I will speak; I will proclaim

By natalie on January 22, 2012

The song of Moses in Deuteronomy 32 begins with Moses saying, “Give ear, O heavens, and I will speak, and let the earth hear the words of my mouth. May my teaching drop as the rain, my speech distill as the dew, like gentle rain upon the tender grass, and like showers upon the herb. For I will proclaim the name of the LORD; ascribe greatness to our God!”

The bolded parts of the above verses are my favorite. I love that Moses repeatedly says he will speak and proclaim! What a change from Moses in Exodus 4:10:

But Moses said to the LORD, ‘Oh, my Lord, I am not eloquent, either in the past or since you have spoken to your servant, but I am slow of speech and of tongue.’

In Exodus 3 & 4, God tells Moses that He is going to use him to bring Israel out of slavery from Egypt and, despite God’s many miracles, Moses continually doubts God’s ability to use him in his weaknesses. (You can read more of my thoughts on Exodus 3 &4 here). The important thing to note is that one of Moses’ weaknesses is a speech impediment, yet in Deuteronomy 32 Moses boasts in proclaiming the works of the Lord! He boasts in his weakness.

Here I think we see how Moses had matured over the course of 40 years. He’s experienced more of God’s faithfulness, as well as more trial through leading a sinful and rebellious people. He’s seen the plagues in Egypt, and how God did indeed take Israel out of Egypt, just as He said. He’s seen the parting of the Red Sea, food from heaven, and water out of a rock in the desert. But he’s also experienced the burden of leading the obstinate Israelites who have tested the Lord, grumbled against the Lord, and “whored” after other gods! And Moses has interceded before God on behalf of the Israelites again and again. From Exodus 4 to Deuteronomy 32, so much has happened. And through both good and difficult experiences, you see how Moses matured in Christ. It looks as if he’s overcome his insecurity of having a speech impediment, and his trust and confidence in the Lord is strong. What a difference between the end of his life and when God first called him to lead His people. What a full life – one that, in the end, points to the goodness and glory of God.

Reading this, I was encouraged. Embarking on church planting, I can’t wait to see in what ways God will mature me in the end. What insecurities will He prove false? In what ways will I learn to trust Him more? What trials will stretch me and make me depend on God more? Which weaknesses will I be able to boast in because of Christ? I eagerly expect that God will grow me through church planting and in the end I will see how much He’s matured me and how much my faith in Him has grown. Sometimes it’s a painful process and sometimes it’s not, but either way the end result is beautiful.

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I can’t think of a title… Exodus 3-4…

By natalie on November 16, 2011

Oh, sometimes I’m so bad about updating my blog… I blame not having internet at home! But, since my last post, we started the adventure of church planting! Tory started the church planting residency in September and it’s already been an adventure! :) God has been sooooo good through it and already I feel like He is teaching me a ton. Church planting is essentially just a bunch of unknowns. Who’s going to be on our core team? Where are we going to live? Will God provide financially? Will God use us? Will it “fail”? A lot of unanswered questions. And all we can do is trust in the Lord. Thankfully, He is a faithful and good God.

As I ask these questions, God has been showing me through Scripture (specifically Exodus 3-4) how I am similar to Moses…

. . .

In Exodus 3, God spoke (through a burning bush!!) and told Moses that He had heard the cries of His people, Israel, in slavery in Egypt. God hears the cries of His people. And more amazingly, He responds. So, God tells Moses that He is going to use him to bring Israel out of slavery. Moses answers God with, “Who am I that I should go…?” Moses knows his past sins, like how he murdered an Egyptian. And he knows his weaknesses, like his speech impediment. Perhaps Moses feels unqualified. Perhaps he feels insecure. Perhaps he feels unworthy. Perhaps he feels all of the above, and more.

But God answers Moses: “But I will be with you…” Despite Moses’ faults, weaknesses, and insecurities, God can use him. Not because he’s awesome, but because God is awesome. In our weakness, He is strong. So then, God tells Moses His Name: Yahweh. I AM WHO I AM. Knowing WHO God is should be comforting to Moses, right? God goes above and beyond and does some awesome signs for Moses – his staff turns into a serpent, He made Moses’ hand leprous and then turned it back to normal. Pretty awesome stuff. Moses should understand by now that God is able to do what He says, right?

Just after these miraculous signs, Moses says, “Oh my Lord, I am not eloquent…but I am slow of speech and of tongue.” But God replies saying that HE is the Creator of man’s mouth and “makes him mute, or deaf, or seeing, or blind.” So, Moses’ speech impediment is no excuse!

And then, this is my favorite part: Moses says, “Oh, my Lord, please send someone else!” Moses still doesn’t believe God can use him to do such an amazing work! His fears and insecurities are not only a reflection of how he views himself, but also how he views God. In reality, Moses is not doubting himself, he’s doubting God.

And the end in a nutshell is that God meets Moses where he’s at and tells him that Aaron will speak for him. And then Moses goes to Egypt, God does some mighty work, and in the end Israel is freed from the slavery of Egypt. And then they wander in the desert for 40 years…..

. . .

The day I read these chapters, I realized that just minutes beforehand I had been praying about the same thing Moses was wrestling with. Can you really use me? Just minutes prior, all my insecurities, fears, weaknesses invaded my mind, making me not only doubt my own ability, but God’s ability to use me in my weakness. But, I must cling to the promises of God. That He is with me, that He is able, He is sovereign, and even that I can’t do anything without Him. But, with Him all things are possible.

Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen.  –Ephesians 3:20-21

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attitude

By natalie on August 27, 2011

What I’ve been learning this week…

My attitude should not be based on what people do to me, but what Christ has done for me.

Now to apply that….

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1 Samuel 12:24

By natalie on August 22, 2011

Tory and I had a weekend getaway at a lovely family’s lake house in Jacksonville, TX. We wanted to spend this weekend relaxing and spending some time with God before this fall gets crazy!

I recently started reading 1 Samuel and I’ve gotten so many good little nuggets out of it! God’s Word is so good!!! One verse I was reading this weekend at the lake house that really stuck out to me was 1 Sam 12:24:

‘Only fear the LORD and serve Him in truth with all your heart; for consider what great things He has done for you.’

Recently, God has been really good to shed some light on some sin in my life. Struggles with doing ‘good’ for my own glory and pride, desiring to please man rather than God. It’s easy for me to slip into apparently working for the Lord, but actually desiring to please man above God, specifically other Christians. Like, I want them to think I’m spiritual, right? Lame. Disgusting.

So, with God revealing that nasty sin in my life, Samuel 12:24 really spoke a lot to me. Serve Him in truth. Past the sinful flesh that wants other people to see how awesome and great I am, there’s my spirit that so deeply desires to just love Jesus and serve Him and Him alone in truth. To serve Him with a sincere heart and for His glory, not mine. My spirit reminds me that I am not the point, but the ONLY thing that matters is God’s glory. Oh, to have an eternal perspective and truly believe and act on that!

Another part I love about this verse is the end: “‘consider what great things He has done for you.’” Earlier today I was thinking about Deuteronomy 8:1-6. In verses 2-5, Moses exhorts the Israelites to remember what God had done for them, feeding them and giving them clothing while disciplining them in their 40 years in the desert. Verse 6 says, “Therefore, you shall keep the commandments of the LORD your God, to walk in His ways and to fear Him.” A very important word is “therefore”. In these verses, it indicates that remembering leads to action. Our remembering God’s goodness and truth should cause us to respond in love and obedience to Him. Back to 1 Samuel, remembering the great things God has done for me should also cause me to respond to His love towards me with giving my life to serve Him.

My prayer is that God would “create in me a clean heart” to serve Him sincerely and only for His glory, not mine. All this from one verse… AND I didn’t even mention the part about fearing the LORD (ironically, also mentioned in the Deut 8 verses), which I think adds to why I take sin so lightly, not truly recognizing God’s holiness… but that’s for another time…

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in need of God’s rich, true grace

By natalie on July 21, 2011

I was just thinking about sin the other day while reading Isaiah. I started to think… we take sin way too lightly! We take advantage of God’s grace perhaps without even recognizing it!

I was reading Isaiah 65:2-5 and noticed how deliberately God’s chosen people sinned against Him. Go read it. And read the whole book of Isaiah because it’s all over the place! In Isaiah 65:3, God says about the Israelites that they are “a people who continually provoke Me to my face.” Yikes. It reminds me of a story Juli was telling me about a little girl and her dad at HEB. The dad told the daughter over and over again not to touch the raw meat. So, what did the girl do? Touch the meat. Not only that, she stared her dad directly in the face while she did it. In the end, the little girl realized that touching the meat was disgusting! And we are so similar with God. He tells us not to do something and yet we stare right at Him and rebel. While looking Him in the eye. If kids don’t show the fallen nature of mankind, then I don’t know what does…hah.

Sin is dirty, filthy, wretched, and vile (I’m just trying to use as many Tory-isms as possible)! God says in Isaiah 59:2, “But your iniquities have made a separation between you and your God, and your sins have hidden His face from you so that He does not hear.” And Habakkuk 1:13 says, “Your eyes are too pure to approve evil, and You can not look on wickedness with favor…” God – the Creator of the universe, the Creator of you and I – hates sin with a passion because it goes against His very holy and perfect nature. Our sin kept us separated from the love of God. But for those who are reconciled through Christ Jesus we have the promise that God will see us as holy and blameless when we stand before Him at His throne because “He made Him who knew no sin to be sin on our behalf, so that we might become the righteousness of God in Him” (2 Cor. 5:21). So, we who have faith that Christ died for our sins can know with confidence that we are forgiven of every nasty sin we have ever committed or ever will commit. We are forgiven. Period. I don’t want to lose sight of God’s graciousness and the extent of His forgiveness. But sometimes we Christians, despite Romans 6:1-2, take advantage of God’s grace.

We so often act as if it was okay that we sinned. We take it lightly because, well, we have grace for our mistakes, right? Well, yes, that’s true, but we often misunderstand God’s grace. We think grace means, “Well, that’s okay that I sinned; I’ll just try to do better next time,” or, “Welp, nobody’s perfect” or “Meh, it’s not really a big deal” or “God has already forgiven me” or, my favorite, “I’m never going to be perfect so if I’m going to sin anyways it might as well be this one.” Grace is God’s favor on us though we don’t deserve it; it’s not saying that what we did was fine. In human terms, most of us will agree that to forgive someone who has done wrong against us does not mean that we justify the other person’s sin. To forgive is not to say that what the other person did was permissible; it is forgiving the person despite the fact that what they did was wrong.

Our sin is not okay! And God’s NOT accepting of our sin! He accepts US if we have a relationship with Him through Jesus, but He’s holy and pure and He’s not accepting of our nasty, vile sin. He’s gone to extreme measures (like sending His Son Jesus to die for us!) to free us from that sin! Why would we live under something that we’ve been freed from? Why would we voluntarily enslave us to our old, murderous master? We find ourselves in this crazy world where we believers in Christ are forgiven, but should not enslave ourselves to sin again. We will, in this world, never be perfect, but we kill our sin regardless. It’s a hard line to walk. I don’t want to nullify the grace of God by being works-based. But I don’t want to accept sin as fluff either.

Love Jesus, hate sin. That’s what Tory always says. I so desire to treasure Christ above all things! I want to love Him more than my sin! I want to love Him more than my husband, my job, my ministry, my friends, my family, my status among people, and myself! And I’m sooo not there. That’s why I wrote this blog – b/c God was showing me that I take sin too lightly! That I fall into the lie and think I’ll never be perfect and so that’s somehow justification for living in my sin. Ridiculous. I am already freed from sin through Christ. He has forgiven me 100%. Yet, Jesus says to kill sin in our bodies here and now, to offer our bodies as a living sacrifice holy and pleasing to God. I need to lean into God’s grace to do that, not abuse it.

In conclusion: Praise the Lord for grace! I need it! I just don’t want to take advantage/misuse it! :)

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sanctification a gift from God

By natalie on July 18, 2011

I haven’t posted on my blog in a loooooong time. There are a couple reasons why…. first, I don’t have internet at home. So, my internet usage on my computer is limited. I use the internet on my phone, but that’s not very fun to type on… ;) second, I haven’t necessarily had anything that great to say! third, I’ve been busy. Lame excuses, I know. Except for the first one; that’s pretty legit. BUT I do want to blog more frequently, so hopefully I post more than just once every 6 months….

Anyways, I recently started reading “When I Don’t Desire God: How to Fight for Joy” by John Piper. I bought it a couple years ago at a Piper conference and I’ve just never picked it up to read until now. God has used this book as well as different things people say, Scripture, and my time in prayer to convict me a lot this past week and a half. Ugh. It’s never fun to see my own sin, but I know God is so good to reveal it to me b/c that’s the beginning of change (Lord willing!!).

As I began the chapter in the book entitled “Joy in God is a Gift of God,” God used the first paragraph – no, the first sentence- to completely convict me:

The title of this chapter [Joy is a Gift of God] is good news for the hopeless and bad news for the self-reliant.

Conviction! I am the self-reliant person. Dang! Piper goes on…

…It liberates from despair the person who knows that he cannot make himself desire what he does not desire. And it devastates the presumption of the person who thought that all his duties were in his own power.

I wish I could say I’m the person who would be liberated by knowing that joy is a gift from God. But I’m not. I am the self-reliant person who depends on my own power. Confession: I try to act independently of God; I do things without His help and with my own “strength” (which is not very strong). I try to be good enough to please God. And it all stems from a works-based mentality.  Not for salvation, but for sanctification. I’m much too similar to a Pharisee than I wish.  But Galatians 3:3 says, “Are you so foolish? Having begun by the Spirit, are you now being perfected by the flesh?” Salvation and sanctification are a gift of God. The fruit of the Spirit is a gift of God. Love, peace, patience, kindness, etc…. I can’t produce those things in myself, rather, I must rely on the Holy Spirit to sanctify me. I can’t sanctify myself.

Because I want to be sanctified (another confession: sometimes I want sanctification for the wrong reasons! Dahhh), the question remains, what do I DO to be sanctified?? Mind-boggling. The only answer I know to give to myself is that I can’t do anything but draw near to Jesus and be real with Him. Oh my goodness, I just want to love Jesus. I just want to keep my eyes fixed on Him, the author and PERFECTER of my faith. Lord, help me!

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Mark 1:16-20

By natalie on January 3, 2011

Just some thoughts on Mark 1:16-20, where Jesus calls Simon Peter, Andrew,  James, and John to follow Him:

  • These men respond to Jesus IMMEDIATELY.
  • They decided to follow Jesus without explanation. At least in Scripture, we don’t see Jesus explain where they’re going, what they’ll be doing, or even who Jesus was! All they know is that if they followed Jesus, that He will make them into fishers of men. But apparently they felt compelled to respond to Jesus’ calling. What great faith!
  • They left everything – their family, occupation, security, comfort, and the life they knew to follow Jesus into the unknown.
  • These men were not qualified or special on their own, but God uses them to do amazing things. Their adequacy came from Christ.
  • God calls us to follow Him. We must respond to His call, and then HE will make us into fishers of men. HE will change us. HE will make us more like Him. We just follow.

I want to follow Jesus. I want to respond to His lead immediately by faith and follow even if it’s scary (to me, the unknown often is), even if I have to sacrifice my security and comfort. I want Jesus to conform me more and more to Him and I want my strength and adequacy to come from Christ. I just want to follow Jesus! God, help me!

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whatever gain i had, i count it all as loss

By natalie on August 24, 2010

I was reading Philippians 3:7-11 this morning and reflecting on counting “all things to be loss in view of the surpassing value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord” (verse 8). I kept asking myself, what do I count as gain? What rubbish thing am I holding on to? Do I live like Christ is infinitely better than everything else in this life?

I wanted to blog on this section of Scripture, but I had too many thoughts all over the place and couldn’t get them onto here in a coherent way. So, since Matthew Henry’s commentary is great and better than anything I could write, here it is:

He speaks of all worldly enjoyments and outward privileges which sought a place with Christ in his heart, or could pretend to any merit and desert, and counted them but loss; but it might be said, It is easy to say so; but what would he do when he came to the trial? He had suffered the loss of all for the privileges of a Christian. Nay, he not only counted them loss, but the vilest refuse, offals thrown to dogs; not only less valuable than Christ, but in the highest degree contemptible, when set up as against him. True knowledge of Christ alters and changes men, their judgments and manners, and makes them as if made again anew. The believer prefers Christ, knowing that it is better for us to be without all worldly riches, than without Christ and his word.

The only good in life is Christ. Christ is my only gain. I’m trying to get that.

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whom have i in heaven but You?

By natalie on August 16, 2010

“The critical question for our generation – and for every generation – is this: If you could have heaven, with no sickness, and with all the friends you ever had on earth, and all the food you ever liked, and all the leisure activities you ever enjoyed, and all the natural beauties you ever saw, all the physical pleasures you ever tasted, an no human conflict or natural disasters, could you be satisfied with heaven, if Christ was not there?”

–John Piper

See also:  Psalm 73

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remembering what God has done

By natalie on August 5, 2010

I wrote a devotional on Psalm 78 for our church’s Join the Journey devo site.  Here it is:

— — —

God has done so much. This is the Creator of the Universe we’re talking about! He created the earth, gave us life, saved us through Jesus Christ, and is sovereign and active in our everyday lives. God is faithful and has done more than I could ever verbalize . . . and yet it’s so easy to forget it.

Psalm 78 explains that there is a correlation between forgetting God’s works and our disobedience. Verse 7 makes it clear that when we remember God’s deeds, we trust Him and keep His commands. Conversely, verse 8 shows the consequences of forgetting God’s deeds: rebellion against God.

Every now and then I look through my old journals. It’s encouraging to read about past struggles that God carried me through as well as the times when God completely revealed Himself to me. Seeing how God has proven Himself faithful in my life in the past strengthens my confidence in Him so I will trust in Him in the future. When I trust God, I find it easier to follow Him, say “no” to my flesh, and live in obedience. In other words, when I reflect on His goodness, I tend to walk in His ways.

Today, remember how God has shown Himself to you. Reflect on what He’s done in your life and how you see Him in nature. Listen to other people’s stories of God’s works and see how God reveals Himself throughout Scripture. Be encouraged by God’s works of the past, trust in Him, and walk in His ways.

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